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“Just as a candle cannot burn without fire, men cannot live without a spiritual life.” The Buddha “A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others.” 27 The Tipitaka The many teachings of the Buddha are written down in traditional scriptures. The 234 Now let us familiarize The prefix ‘ti’ means ‘three’ and hence Tipaka means the Three Baskets. The early Buddhist canon is traditionally referred to as the “Three Baskets” the Sutta Pitaka - the Basket of discourses, According The Second Suttas: Discourse spoken by the Buddha, and sometimes by his immediate disciples. The 235 The Sutta Pitaka 1. 2. The Majjhima Nikaya - the Collection of Middle Length 3. The 4. The 5. The Khuddaka Nikaya - the We will now briefly look at some of the more important works in this collection. The The Some of the poems are The “minor” (Khuddaka) the Sutta Pitaka - the Basket of discourses, According The Second Suttas: Discourse spoken by the Buddha, and sometimes by his immediate disciples. The 235 The Sutta Pitaka 1. 2. The Majjhima Nikaya - the Collection of Middle Length 3. The 4. The 5. The Khuddaka Nikaya - the We will now briefly look at some of the more important works in this collection. The The Some of the poems are The “minor” (Khuddaka) (https://readthespirit.com/ Compassion helps us connect with others, mend relationships, and move Compassion is simply a kind, friendly presence in the face of what’s We begin with empathy—that feeling of connection. When we can Self-compassion involves treating yourself the way you would treat a Individuals who are more self-compassionate tend to have greater When we are mindful of our struggles, and respond to ourselves with Myth: Self-compassion will make us weak and vulnerable. Truth: In fact, self-compassion is a reliable source Myth: Self-compassion is really the same as being self-indulgent. Truth: It’s actually just the opposite. Compassion Myth: Self-compassion is really a form of making excuses for bad behavior. Truth: Actually, self-compassion provides the safety Myth: Self-criticism is an effective motivator. Truth: It’s not. Our self-criticism tends to You can find your compassionate voice by writing Here are three formats to try: After writing the letter, you can put it down for a while and then This is an exercise from resilience expert Linda Graham for shifting our awareness May I be kind to myself in this moment. This breaks the automaticity of our survival responses and negative thought loops. May I accept this moment exactly as it is. From William James, considered the founder of American psychology: May I accept myself exactly as I am in this moment. From humanist psychologist Carl Rogers: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself exactly as I am, then I can change.” May I give myself all the compassion I need. Compassion is a resource for resilience, and you are as deserving of your own compassion as others are. Tara Brach shares a four-step practice to offer ourselves a moment of compassion. Self-compassion depends on honest, direct contact with our own You can take your time and explore RAIN as a stand-alone meditation R—Recognize What’s Going On Recognizing means consciously acknowledging, in any given moment, the A—Allowing: Taking a Life-Giving Pause Allowing means letting the thoughts, emotions, feelings, or We allow by simply pausing with the intention to relax our resistance I—Investigating with Kindness Investigating means calling on our natural curiosity—the desire to N—Natural Loving Awareness Natural loving awareness occurs when identification with the self is Though the first three steps of RAIN require some intentional The RAIN of Self-Compassion is not a one-shot meditation, nor is the We each have the conditioning to live for long stretches of time If you’re familiar with meditation, then you’ve probably tried a Repeating these phrases Goleman says loving-kindness practices strengthen compassion and “We find, for example, that people who do this meditation who’ve just There are three different types of empathy, and these are Follow this simple loving-kindness practice to open the heart Empathy is being able to perceive others’ feelings (and to recognize We may find it hard to empathize with some people. But that doesn’t E: Eye contact. An appropriate level of eye contact makes people feel seen and improves effective communication. M: Muscles in facial expressions. As humans, we P: Posture. Sitting in a slumped position can A: Affect (or emotions). Learning to identify what T: Tone. “Because tone of voice conveys over 38 H: Hearing. Too often, we don’t truly listen to one Y: Your response. Riess is not talking about what Reining in over-empathy requires emotional intelligence; its Have you ever dreaded going into work because the people around you Compassion in the Workplace: Emailing feels almost like a conversation, but without the emotional Compassion helps us connect with others, mend relationships, and move Compassion is simply a kind, friendly presence in the face of what’s We begin with empathy—that feeling of connection. When we can Self-compassion involves treating yourself the way you would treat a Individuals who are more self-compassionate tend to have greater When we are mindful of our struggles, and respond to ourselves with Myth: Self-compassion will make us weak and vulnerable. Truth: In fact, self-compassion is a reliable source Myth: Self-compassion is really the same as being self-indulgent. Truth: It’s actually just the opposite. Compassion Myth: Self-compassion is really a form of making excuses for bad behavior. Truth: Actually, self-compassion provides the safety Myth: Self-criticism is an effective motivator. Truth: It’s not. Our self-criticism tends to You can find your compassionate voice by writing Here are three formats to try: After writing the letter, you can put it down for a while and then This is an exercise from resilience expert Linda Graham for shifting our awareness May I be kind to myself in this moment. This breaks the automaticity of our survival responses and negative thought loops. May I accept this moment exactly as it is. From William James, considered the founder of American psychology: May I accept myself exactly as I am in this moment. From humanist psychologist Carl Rogers: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself exactly as I am, then I can change.” May I give myself all the compassion I need. Compassion is a resource for resilience, and you are as deserving of your own compassion as others are. Tara Brach shares a four-step practice to offer ourselves a moment of compassion. Self-compassion depends on honest, direct contact with our own You can take your time and explore RAIN as a stand-alone meditation R—Recognize What’s Going On Recognizing means consciously acknowledging, in any given moment, the A—Allowing: Taking a Life-Giving Pause Allowing means letting the thoughts, emotions, feelings, or We allow by simply pausing with the intention to relax our resistance I—Investigating with Kindness Investigating means calling on our natural curiosity—the desire to N—Natural Loving Awareness Natural loving awareness occurs when identification with the self is Though the first three steps of RAIN require some intentional The RAIN of Self-Compassion is not a one-shot meditation, nor is the We each have the conditioning to live for long stretches of time If you’re familiar with meditation, then you’ve probably tried a Repeating these phrases Goleman says loving-kindness practices strengthen compassion and “We find, for example, that people who do this meditation who’ve just There are three different types of empathy, and these are Follow this simple loving-kindness practice to open the heart Empathy is being able to perceive others’ feelings (and to recognize We may find it hard to empathize with some people. But that doesn’t E: Eye contact. An appropriate level of eye contact makes people feel seen and improves effective communication. M: Muscles in facial expressions. As humans, we P: Posture. Sitting in a slumped position can A: Affect (or emotions). Learning to identify what T: Tone. “Because tone of voice conveys over 38 H: Hearing. Too often, we don’t truly listen to one Y: Your response. Riess is not talking about what Reining in over-empathy requires emotional intelligence; its Have you ever dreaded going into work because the people around you Compassion in the Workplace: Emailing feels almost like a conversation, but without the emotional for free birds 🐦 🦢 🦅 to grow fruits 🍍 🍊 🥑 🥭 🍇 🍌 🍎 🍉 🍒 🍑 🥝 vegetables 🥦 🥕 🥗 🥬 🥔 🍆 🥜 🪴 🌱 🎃 🫑 🍅🍜 🧅 🍄 🍝 🥗 🥒 🌽 🍏 🫑 🌳 🍓 🍊 🥥 🌵 🍈 🌰 🇧🇧 🫐 🍅 🍐 🫒
🍆 🥜 🎃 🫑 🍅🍜 🧅 🍄 🍝 🥗 🥒 🌽 🍏 🫑 🌳 🍓 🍊 🥥 🌵 🍈 🌰 🇧🇧 🫐 🍅
🍐 🫒Plants 🌱in pots 🪴 
To live like free birds 
grow fruits vegetables along with Meditative Mindful Swimming 
to Attain Eternal Bliss.
of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle
will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.” The
Buddha
oldest collection of these were written in Pali and Sinhalese language,
and they form the basic of the current Thervada tradition known as the
Pali Canon. The teachings of the Mahayan school were written in
Sanskrit, which were subsequently translated into Chinese, Japanese,
Korean and Tibetan languages.
ourselves with the structure of the Buddhist scriptures - the Tipitaka.
The word ‘pitaka’ means ‘a basket’, a word used because just as
workmen in ancient India relayed baskets of earth from the head of
one person to the next, the Dhamma was passed from the memory of the
teacher to that of the student.
(Sanskrit: Tripitaka; Pali: Tipitaka).
These three Baskets are:
the Vinaya Pitaka - the Basket of Discipline, and
the Abhidhamma Pitaka - the Basket of Analysis.
to Buddhist tradition, this division was instituted at the First
Buddhist Council not long after the pari-nirvana of the Buddha. This
canon was written in the Pali language which is believed to have been
derived from a dialect used in the region of Magadha.
Council introduced some modifications to the rules of monastic
discipline, and later councils added other texts to the canon. The canon
was transmitted orally, but after a time of political and social
turmoil King Vattagamani of Sri Lanka (formerly known as Ceylon) ordered
that it be committed to writing. This was accomplished between 35 and
32 BCE. The Suttas and Vinaya were written in Pali, but some of the
commentaries were in Sinhala. The Sinhala texts were translated into
Pali in the 5th centuries CE.
word ‘sutta’ literally means ‘a thread’ and the Buddha’s discourses are
called this because each of them has a ‘thread of meaning’ or a ‘line
of argument’ running through them.
section of the Pali canon is the collection of general teachings by the
Buddha, traditionally divided into five collections (nikaya).
The Digha Nikaya - the Collection of Long Discourses - contains
thirty-four discourses which, as the name suggests, are of considerable
length.
Discourses - contains a hundred and fifty discourses which again, as the
name suggests, are neither very long nor very short.
Samyutta Nikaya - the Collection of Kindred Discourses - in which 7562
discourses are grouped according to subject matter.
Anguttara Nikaya - the Collection of Gradual Discourses. ‘Anguttara’’
literally means ‘up by one’ because the nine thousand five hundred and
fifty seven discourses in this collection are classified in ascending
order from one to eleven.
Miscellaneous Collection - which consists of fifteen quite separate
works which, because of their distinctiveness, could not be fitted into
any of the other four Nikayas.
Dhammapada is undoubtly the most popular and well-known of all works
in the Tipitaka. It is a collection of 423 verses (gatha) spoken by
the Buddha at different times, and arranged into twenty-three chapters
roughly according to subject.
Dhammapada has been translated more than any other Buddhist work. The
Udana - the Verses of Uplift - derives its name from the fact that each
of the eighty discourses it contains is finished by one or more
inspiring or uplifting averses (Udana). Very similar to the Udana is the
Itivuttaka - the Thus Said - which contains 112 discourses, again
summed up at the end by a verse or verses.
The Sutta Nipata - the Discourse Collection - contains fifty-five
discourses in the form of poems, consisting of 1149 verses altogether.
The Mangala Sutta, the Metta Sutta and several other popular discourses
are found in this work.Because most of its discourses date from the
early years of the Buddha’s career, and because many of them are of
considerable literary merit, the Sutta Nipata is one of the most
important books in the Tipitaka. Two other works of great beauty are the
Theragatha - the Verses of the Monks, and the Therigatha - the Verses
of the Nuns, containing 164 and 72 poems respectively, written by some
of the Buddha’s disciples.
autobiographical, some praise the Buddha, others celebrate the beauties
of nature or the joy of Enlightenment.
Discourses, which comprises the largest section of the canon and the one
that contains the widest variety of materials.
the Vinaya Pitaka - the Basket of Discipline, and
the Abhidhamma Pitaka - the Basket of Analysis.
to Buddhist tradition, this division was instituted at the First
Buddhist Council not long after the pari-nirvana of the Buddha. This
canon was written in the Pali language which is believed to have been
derived from a dialect used in the region of Magadha.
Council introduced some modifications to the rules of monastic
discipline, and later councils added other texts to the canon. The canon
was transmitted orally, but after a time of political and social
turmoil King Vattagamani of Sri Lanka (formerly known as Ceylon) ordered
that it be committed to writing. This was accomplished between 35 and
32 BCE. The Suttas and Vinaya were written in Pali, but some of the
commentaries were in Sinhala. The Sinhala texts were translated into
Pali in the 5th centuries CE.
word ‘sutta’ literally means ‘a thread’ and the Buddha’s discourses are
called this because each of them has a ‘thread of meaning’ or a ‘line
of argument’ running through them.
section of the Pali canon is the collection of general teachings by the
Buddha, traditionally divided into five collections (nikaya).
The Digha Nikaya - the Collection of Long Discourses - contains
thirty-four discourses which, as the name suggests, are of considerable
length.
Discourses - contains a hundred and fifty discourses which again, as the
name suggests, are neither very long nor very short.
Samyutta Nikaya - the Collection of Kindred Discourses - in which 7562
discourses are grouped according to subject matter.
Anguttara Nikaya - the Collection of Gradual Discourses. ‘Anguttara’’
literally means ‘up by one’ because the nine thousand five hundred and
fifty seven discourses in this collection are classified in ascending
order from one to eleven.
Miscellaneous Collection - which consists of fifteen quite separate
works which, because of their distinctiveness, could not be fitted into
any of the other four Nikayas.
Dhammapada is undoubtly the most popular and well-known of all works
in the Tipitaka. It is a collection of 423 verses (gatha) spoken by
the Buddha at different times, and arranged into twenty-three chapters
roughly according to subject.
Dhammapada has been translated more than any other Buddhist work. The
Udana - the Verses of Uplift - derives its name from the fact that each
of the eighty discourses it contains is finished by one or more
inspiring or uplifting averses (Udana). Very similar to the Udana is the
Itivuttaka - the Thus Said - which contains 112 discourses, again
summed up at the end by a verse or verses.
The Sutta Nipata - the Discourse Collection - contains fifty-five
discourses in the form of poems, consisting of 1149 verses altogether.
The Mangala Sutta, the Metta Sutta and several other popular discourses
are found in this work.Because most of its discourses date from the
early years of the Buddha’s career, and because many of them are of
considerable literary merit, the Sutta Nipata is one of the most
important books in the Tipitaka. Two other works of great beauty are the
Theragatha - the Verses of the Monks, and the Therigatha - the Verses
of the Nuns, containing 164 and 72 poems respectively, written by some
of the Buddha’s disciples.
autobiographical, some praise the Buddha, others celebrate the beauties
of nature or the joy of Enlightenment.
Discourses, which comprises the largest section of the canon and the one
that contains the widest variety of materials.
Bodhi Day (Rohatsu): Buddhists celebrate light, enlightenment and Dharma
December 08, 2020 by Stephanie Fenton (https://readthespirit.com/
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(https://readthespirit.com/
DECEMBER 8: This month brings a season of light for several world
religions, and as Christians light candles for Advent and Jews light
candles on the menorah, Buddhists celebrate light with a holiday known
as Bodhi Day (or, in Zen Buddhism, Rohatsu).
for “enlightenment,” Bodhi Day is observed by Mahayana Buddhists, who
celebrate Buddha’s enlightenment; for Theravada Buddhists, Buddha’s
enlightenment is recalled together with his birth and passing, on a
different holiday (Vesak). For members of the Mahayana school of
Buddhism, Bodhi is often spent studying and meditating on the Dharma. In
select Japanese monasteries, Rohatsu incorporates a week-long sesshin,
or meditation retreat.
As Christians spend the weeks surrounding
Christmas in a revel of lights and celebration, so some Buddhists string
colored lights onto a ficus tree, in representation of the many paths
that can lead to enlightenment. Some may bake cookies in the shape of
the Bodhi tree’s leaf, in recollection of Buddha’s enlightenment beneath
the tree in Bodhgaya, India. (Family Dharma has ideas for celebration
(http://familydharma.
everywhere perform good works and services for others.
historical Buddha was born Siddhartha Guatama, a wealthy nobleman, in
approximately the 6th century BCE (date calculations may vary). Having
been shielded from the realities of death and sorrow throughout
childhood, it wasn’t until he reached his 20s that Siddhartha was
exposed to the concept of suffering and sought to discover its root.
After years of asceticism deep in the forests of India and Nepal,
Siddhartha was beneath a tree in Bodhgaya one cool winter’s night when
he came to several realizations. Within the pages of the Pali Canon,
discourses written by Buddha describe the three stages of enlightenment,
that night: understanding the need to break free of the cycle of life
and death, the laws of karma, and the Fourfold Path. Finally, at the end
of the realizations, Siddhartha reached nirvana. At this time—at age
35—he became known as “Buddha,” or “enlightened one.”
are truly fascinating objects – if we do say so ourselves! But it’s
true: there are few objects quite so ancient and as universal. Though
they’re an integral part of relaxation techniques – many of which we’ve
gone into in previous articles – they also have far older,
cross-cultural significances. One of the most common of these is of
passion, making the symbolism of candles as deep and diverse as the
people who use them. It’s probably not surprising, therefore, that they
play such a crucial role in many major religions.
we’ve collected for you a few examples of the biggest faiths, and the
unique ways in which they use candles in their worship. We’re sure
you’ll find it as interesting as we do!
probably already know this one. Though candles predate Christianity by
centuries, it’s one of the most notable modern faiths that took the time
to adopt it for specific religious purposes and ceremonies. As early as
the 2nd Century, a Christian academic wrote that the religion uses
candles “not just to dispel night’s gloom but also to represent Christ,
the Uncreated and Eternal Light”.
modern Christians seem to share his enthusiasm. Today they’re used in a
vast range of contexts: they can commemorate individual saints or
biblical events, or be used as signs of religious fervour or joy.
Miniature ‘votive’ candles are often used as part of prayer rituals, or
to honour God. Today, Christian candles are frequently lit for prayers;
to light a candle for someone signifies an intention to pray for them.
They have practical functions too – casting a soft, unobtrusive light
that encourages a solemn, reflective atmosphere. (You might find this
last aspect especially attractive when lighting candles for your own
enjoyment, even if you don’t consider yourself to be religious.)
uses candles in much the same ways as Christianity does, especially in
evoking quiet, calm atmospheres. However, Jewish candles play a far
greater role in the home (which is a sentiment we at Melt can definitely
get on board with!). The most well known example is during the
celebration of Hanukkah, in which a nine-branched candelabrum is lit on
eight consecutive nights to commemorate the rededication of the Second
Temple in Jerusalem in the 2nd Century BC.
also play a part in the Shabbat (the Sabbath): a weekly period of rest
which lasts from sundown on Friday to sundown on Saturday. Candles are
lit either side of its beginning and end. Candles are also lit prior to
major Jewish holidays, such as Yom Kippur and the Passover. This idea of
candles being used as a symbol of rest and peace is one that’s been
most widely adopted, and is one of the qualities about our candles that
we love most.
use candles in their ceremonies in their own wonderfully distinctive
way – they’re an age-old tradition of Buddhist rituals, and treated
accordingly. They’re often placed in front of Buddhist shrines as a mark
of respect or deference, and along with incense they’re used to evoke
the state of impermanence and change; a cornerstone of the Buddhist
philosophy. The light from a humble candle is also said to symbolise the
enlightenment of the Buddha. In addition to this, on the day before
Buddhist Lent, in July of each year, the Thai people celebrate the
Candle Festival, in which vast crowds of people gather with elaborately
ornamented candles, and then march them on mesmerising parades of colour
and light. In this case, the candles they carry represent willpower,
unity, and the beliefs of their community. It’s really something to see.
are many more religions and faiths that each use candles in their own
ceremonies – many in creative and distinctive ways – but given that
there are estimated to be over 4000 religions in the world today, it
would be impossible to list them all! You can enjoy our range of scented
candles equally whether you consider yourself to be spiritual or not,
or you can read our blog post to find out more about the traditional
symbolic roles of candles.How to Be More Compassionate: A Mindful Guide to Compassion
Through loving-kindness and practicing awareness, you can connect more
deeply with both yourself and others. Explore our new guide to lean into
kindness and cultivate compassion every day.
forward while fostering emotional intelligence and well-being.
Compassion takes empathy one step further because it harbors a desire
for all people to be free from suffering, and it’s imbued with a desire
to help.
What is Compassion?
difficult. Its power is connecting us with what’s difficult—it offers us
an approach that differs from the turning away that we usually do.
acknowledge the commonality of the human condition, something beautiful
happens: we diminish the subtle cruelty of indifference.What is Self-Compassion?
friend who is having a hard time—even if your friend blew it or is
feeling inadequate, or is just facing a tough life challenge. The more
complete definition involves three core elements that we bring to bear
when we are in pain: self-kindness, common humanity (the recognition
that everyone makes mistakes and feels pain), and mindfulness.Why Self-Compassion Is Important
happiness, life satisfaction and motivation, better relationships and
physical health, and less anxiety and depression. They also have the resilience needed to cope with stressful life events such as divorce, health crises, academic failure, and even combat trauma.
compassion, kindness, and support in times of difficulty, things start
to change. We can learn to embrace ourselves and our lives, despite
inner and outer imperfections, and provide ourselves with the strength
needed to thrive.The Common Myths of Self-Compassion
of inner strength that confers courage and enhances resilience when
we’re faced with difficulties. Research shows self-compassionate people
are better able to cope with tough situations like divorce, trauma, or
chronic pain.
inclines us toward long-term health and well-being, not short-term
pleasure. Research shows self-compassionate people engage in healthier
behaviors like exercising, eating well, drinking less, and going to the
doctor more regularly.
needed to admit mistakes rather than needing to blame someone else for
them. Research shows self-compassionate people take greater personal
responsibility for their actions and are more likely to apologize if
they’ve offended someone.
undermine self-confidence and leads to fear of failure. If we’re
self-compassionate, we will still be motivated to reach our goals—not
because we’re inadequate as we are, but because we care about ourselves
and want to reach our full potential. Self-compassionate people have
high personal standards; they just don’t beat themselves up when they
fail.
How to Practice Self-Compassion
Find Compassion: Write a Letter to Yourself
a letter to yourself whenever you struggle or feel inadequate, or when
you want to help motivate yourself to make a change. It can feel
uncomfortable at first, but gets easier with practice.
compassionate and write a letter to yourself from the perspective of
your friend.
read it later, letting the words soothe and comfort you when you need it
most.A Self-Compassion Practice to Rewire Your Brain for Resilience
and bringing acceptance to the experience of the moment. It helps to
practice this self-compassion break when any emotional upset or distress
is still reasonably manageable—to create and strengthen the neural
circuits that can do this shifting and re-conditioning when things are
really tough.
contempt, remorse, shame—pause, put your hand on your heart (this
activates the release of oxytocin, the hormone of safety and trust).
with your experience—recognize the suffering—and say to yourself, “this
is upsetting” or “this is hard!” or “this is scary!” or “this is
painful” or “ouch! This hurts” or something similar, to acknowledge and
care about yourself when you experience something distressing.
“Be willing to have it so. Acceptance of what has happened is the first
step to overcoming the consequence of any misfortune.”
shift: The compassion and kindness and care for yourself becoming
stronger than the original negative emotion.The RAIN of Self-Compassion Meditation
vulnerability. Compassion fully blossoms when we actively offer care to
ourselves. To help people address feelings of insecurity and
unworthiness, I often introduce mindfulness and compassion through a
meditation I call the RAIN of Self-Compassion. The acronym RAIN, first
coined about 20 years ago by Michele McDonald, is an easy-to-remember
tool for practicing mindfulness. It has four steps:
or move through the steps in a more abbreviated way whenever challenging
feelings arise.
thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that are affecting us. Like awakening
from a dream, the first step out of the trance of unworthiness is
simply to recognize that we are stuck, subject to painfully constricting
beliefs, emotions, and physical sensations. Common signs of the trance
include a critical inner voice, feelings of shame or fear, the squeeze
of anxiety or the weight of depression in the body.
sensations we have recognized simply be there. Typically when we have an
unpleasant experience, we react in one of three ways: by piling on the
judgment; by numbing ourselves to our feelings; or by focusing our
attention elsewhere.
and let the experience be just as it is. Allowing our thoughts,
emotions, or bodily sensations simply to be doesn’t mean we agree with
our conviction that we’re unworthy.
know truth—and directing a more focused attention to our present
experience. Simply pausing to ask, what is happening inside me?, can
initiate recognition, but investigation adds a more active and pointed
kind of inquiry. You might ask yourself: What most wants attention? How
am I experiencing this in my body? What am I believing? What does this
feeling want from me?
loosened. This practice of non-identification means that our sense of
who we are is not fused with any limiting emotions, sensations, or
stories.
activity, the N is the treasure: A liberating homecoming to our true
nature. There’s nothing to do for this last part of RAIN; we simply rest
in natural awareness.
realization of our natural awareness necessarily full, stable, or
enduring. Rather, as you practice you may experience a sense of warmth
and openness, a shift in perspective. You can trust this! RAIN is a
practice for life—meeting our doubts and fears with a healing presence.
Each time you are willing to slow down and recognize, oh, this is the
trance of unworthiness… this is fear… this is hurt…this is judgment…,
you are poised to de-condition the old habits and limiting self-beliefs
that imprison your heart. Gradually, you’ll experience natural loving
awareness as the truth of who you are, more than any story you ever told
yourself about being “not good enough” or “basically flawed.”
imprisoned by a sense of deficiency, cut off from realizing our
intrinsic intelligence, aliveness, and love. The greatest blessing we
can give ourselves is to recognize the pain of this trance, and
regularly offer a cleansing rain of self-compassion to our awakening
hearts.
How Loving-Kindness Meditation Strengthens Compassion
basic loving-kindness practice. It involves bringing to mind someone you
love, and wishing that they are safe, well, and happy—either out loud
or to yourself. The practice continues by extending these well wishes
outward to those around you: maybe a more neutral party, or even a
difficult person in your life.
feels good in the moment, but they can also
have long-term effects on our brain that stick with us after we’ve
finished meditating. Daniel Goleman, author of Primal Leadership:
Unleashing the Power of Emotional Intelligence and coauthor of Altered
Traits, explains how this type of meditation can impact our mind and our
outlook.
empathetic concern: our ability to care about another person and want to
help them.
started doing it actually are kinder, they’re more likely to help
someone in need, they’re more generous and they’re happier,” Goleman
explains. “It turns out that the brain areas that help us or that make
us want to help someone that we care about also connect with the
circuitry for feeling good. So it feels good to be kind and all of that
shows up very early in just a few hours really of total practice of
loving-kindness or compassion meditation.”
strengthened when we practice loving-kindness. The two most common types
of empathy are when you understand someone else’s perspective, and when
you connect to them emotionally; but the final, most powerful type is
empathic concern.A Beginner’s Loving-Kindness Practice
and mind towards a greater sense of compassion from Elisha Goldstein.
and with intention say to this person, “May you be happy. May you be
healthy in body and mind. May you be safe and protected from inner and
outer harm. May you be free from fear, the fear that keeps you stuck.”
saying to yourself, “May I be happy. May I be healthy in body and mind.
May I be safe and protected from inner and outer harm. May I be free
from fear, the fear that keeps me stuck.”
and just like you did for the person who’s close to you saying now to
them: “May you be happy. May you be healthy in body and mind. May you be
safe and protected from inner and outer harm. May you be free from
fear, the fear that keeps you stuck.”
that you had for the person who it was easy to care for, now saying to
them: “May you be happy. May you be healthy in body and mind. May you be
safe and protected from inner and outer harm. May you be free from
fear, the fear that keeps you stuck.”
“May you be happy. May you be healthy in body and mind. May you be safe
and protected from inner and outer harm. May you be free from fear, the
fear that keeps you stuck.”
The Difference Between Empathy and Compassion
What Is Empathy?
our own emotions), to imagine why someone might be feeling a certain
way, and to have concern for their welfare. Once empathy is activated,
compassionate action is the most logical response. Many confuse empathy
(feeling with someone) with sympathy (feeling sorry for someone).Empathy Can Be Taught
mean we can’t strengthen our empathy muscles, according to psychiatrist
and researcher Helen Riess, author of the book The Empathy Effect. Riess uses the acronym EMPATHY to outline the steps of her program:
Riess recommends focusing on someone’s eyes long enough to gauge eye
color, and making sure you are face to face when communicating.
often automatically mimic other people’s expressions without even
realizing it. By being able to identify another’s feelings—often by
distinctive facial muscle patterns—and mirroring them, we can help
communicate empathy.
indicate a lack of interest, dejection, or sadness; sitting upright
signals respect and confidence. By understanding what postures
communicate, we can take a more open posture—face forward, legs and arms
uncrossed, leaning toward someone—to encourage more open communication
and trust.
another is feeling and naming it can help us better understand their
behavior or the message behind their words.
percent of the nonverbal emotional content of what a person
communicates, it is a vital key to empathy,” writes Riess. She suggests
matching the volume and tone of the person you are talking to and,
generally, using a soothing tone to make someone feel heard. However,
when a person is communicating outrage, moderating your tone—rather than
matching theirs—is more appropriate.
another, possibly because of preconceptions or simply being too
distracted and stressed. Empathic listening means asking questions that
help people express what’s really going on and listening without
judgment.
you’ll say next, but how you resonate with the person you are talking
to. Whether or not we’re aware of it, we tend to sync up emotionally
with people, and how well we do it plays a role in how much we understand them.How to Care Deeply Without Burning Out
underlying skill is self-awareness. You always need to be prepared to
explore and meet your own needs. Whenever your empathy is aroused,
regard it as a signal to turn a spotlight on your own feelings. Pause to
check in with yourself: What am I feeling right now? What do I need
now?
It’s inevitable that we will all experience burnout. What’s important
is recognizing what’s happening and moving toward balance. Compassion
implies a stability of attention and caring in a wise and balanced way—caring about yourself and others.
Compassion also implies a wisdom and intelligence to know that it’s not
up to you to fix the world for others. You can’t function if you’re
just taking in others’ pain all the time. There’s a balance that’s
crucial: You can acknowledge the pain, you can want to help, but you
have to recognize that you can’t change other people’s experience of the
world. That’s the letting go. Dan Harris puts it this way: “My father
says the hardest thing about having kids is letting them make their own
mistakes. That’s compassion with equanimity.” 
How to Cultivate Compassion Every Day
How to Be More Compassionate at Work
were in a negative spiral of energy? We are emotional beings and we
can’t help but be affected by the varying moods and interactions we have
with others. Life is always changing and this constant change can
create difficult thoughts and emotions, which can flow into the
workplace. The silver lining is that if we can meet suffering at work
with concern and care, compassion naturally arises. Work environments
that cultivate compassion create a much more positive and productive
place to work.
For example: If an employee has experienced a loss, such as a divorce
or death in the family, someone should contact that employee within
24-48 hours and offer help. A study in 2012
demonstrated that people who act compassionately are perceived more
strongly as leaders and that perceived intelligence (i.e., how clever
and knowledgeable the person is) bridges the relationship between
compassion and leadership.
many workplaces where I consult, there are meeting spaces that can be
utilized for informal groups and gatherings. Planned groups can be
encouraged weekly or monthly and allow for more opportunities to notice
when someone needs help or support and then to offer it.
If we can keep the communication lines open with respect and kindness,
we allow for time to talk about what may need attention and/or empathic
connection.
other words, this person is “just like me.” This is also known as
“cognitive empathy,” or simply knowing how the other person feels and
what they might be thinking. This type of empathy can help in
negotiating or motivating people to give their best effort.How to Be More Compassionate Through Email
signs and social cues of face-to-face interactions. If there’s any
challenging content to convey—and if you’re sending an email out to more
than one person—it’s easy for problems to arise. Here’s how you can
communicate more thoughtfully and compassionately via email.
clarity and greater impact. Your message can easily get lost in the
clutter, so keep it simple.
in person? Some messages are just too touchy, nuanced, or complex to
handle by email. You may have to deliver the message in a phone call,
where you can read cues and have some give and take. Then, you can
follow up with a message that reiterates whatever came out of the
conversation.
content, pay close attention to how the shaping of the words can create a
tone. If you have bursts of short sentences, for example, it can sound
like you’re being brusque and angry.How to Be More Compassionate: A Mindful Guide to Compassion
Through loving-kindness and practicing awareness, you can connect more
deeply with both yourself and others. Explore our new guide to lean into
kindness and cultivate compassion every day.
forward while fostering emotional intelligence and well-being.
Compassion takes empathy one step further because it harbors a desire
for all people to be free from suffering, and it’s imbued with a desire
to help.What is Compassion?
difficult. Its power is connecting us with what’s difficult—it offers us
an approach that differs from the turning away that we usually do.
acknowledge the commonality of the human condition, something beautiful
happens: we diminish the subtle cruelty of indifference.What is Self-Compassion?
friend who is having a hard time—even if your friend blew it or is
feeling inadequate, or is just facing a tough life challenge. The more
complete definition involves three core elements that we bring to bear
when we are in pain: self-kindness, common humanity (the recognition
that everyone makes mistakes and feels pain), and mindfulness.Why Self-Compassion Is Important
happiness, life satisfaction and motivation, better relationships and
physical health, and less anxiety and depression. They also have the resilience needed to cope with stressful life events such as divorce, health crises, academic failure, and even combat trauma.
compassion, kindness, and support in times of difficulty, things start
to change. We can learn to embrace ourselves and our lives, despite
inner and outer imperfections, and provide ourselves with the strength
needed to thrive.The Common Myths of Self-Compassion
of inner strength that confers courage and enhances resilience when
we’re faced with difficulties. Research shows self-compassionate people
are better able to cope with tough situations like divorce, trauma, or
chronic pain.
inclines us toward long-term health and well-being, not short-term
pleasure. Research shows self-compassionate people engage in healthier
behaviors like exercising, eating well, drinking less, and going to the
doctor more regularly.
needed to admit mistakes rather than needing to blame someone else for
them. Research shows self-compassionate people take greater personal
responsibility for their actions and are more likely to apologize if
they’ve offended someone.
undermine self-confidence and leads to fear of failure. If we’re
self-compassionate, we will still be motivated to reach our goals—not
because we’re inadequate as we are, but because we care about ourselves
and want to reach our full potential. Self-compassionate people have
high personal standards; they just don’t beat themselves up when they
fail.How to Practice Self-Compassion
Find Compassion: Write a Letter to Yourself
a letter to yourself whenever you struggle or feel inadequate, or when
you want to help motivate yourself to make a change. It can feel
uncomfortable at first, but gets easier with practice.
compassionate and write a letter to yourself from the perspective of
your friend.
read it later, letting the words soothe and comfort you when you need it
most.A Self-Compassion Practice to Rewire Your Brain for Resilience
and bringing acceptance to the experience of the moment. It helps to
practice this self-compassion break when any emotional upset or distress
is still reasonably manageable—to create and strengthen the neural
circuits that can do this shifting and re-conditioning when things are
really tough.
contempt, remorse, shame—pause, put your hand on your heart (this
activates the release of oxytocin, the hormone of safety and trust).
with your experience—recognize the suffering—and say to yourself, “this
is upsetting” or “this is hard!” or “this is scary!” or “this is
painful” or “ouch! This hurts” or something similar, to acknowledge and
care about yourself when you experience something distressing.
“Be willing to have it so. Acceptance of what has happened is the first
step to overcoming the consequence of any misfortune.”
shift: The compassion and kindness and care for yourself becoming
stronger than the original negative emotion.The RAIN of Self-Compassion Meditation
vulnerability. Compassion fully blossoms when we actively offer care to
ourselves. To help people address feelings of insecurity and
unworthiness, I often introduce mindfulness and compassion through a
meditation I call the RAIN of Self-Compassion. The acronym RAIN, first
coined about 20 years ago by Michele McDonald, is an easy-to-remember
tool for practicing mindfulness. It has four steps:
or move through the steps in a more abbreviated way whenever challenging
feelings arise.
thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that are affecting us. Like awakening
from a dream, the first step out of the trance of unworthiness is
simply to recognize that we are stuck, subject to painfully constricting
beliefs, emotions, and physical sensations. Common signs of the trance
include a critical inner voice, feelings of shame or fear, the squeeze
of anxiety or the weight of depression in the body.
sensations we have recognized simply be there. Typically when we have an
unpleasant experience, we react in one of three ways: by piling on the
judgment; by numbing ourselves to our feelings; or by focusing our
attention elsewhere.
and let the experience be just as it is. Allowing our thoughts,
emotions, or bodily sensations simply to be doesn’t mean we agree with
our conviction that we’re unworthy.
know truth—and directing a more focused attention to our present
experience. Simply pausing to ask, what is happening inside me?, can
initiate recognition, but investigation adds a more active and pointed
kind of inquiry. You might ask yourself: What most wants attention? How
am I experiencing this in my body? What am I believing? What does this
feeling want from me?
loosened. This practice of non-identification means that our sense of
who we are is not fused with any limiting emotions, sensations, or
stories.
activity, the N is the treasure: A liberating homecoming to our true
nature. There’s nothing to do for this last part of RAIN; we simply rest
in natural awareness.
realization of our natural awareness necessarily full, stable, or
enduring. Rather, as you practice you may experience a sense of warmth
and openness, a shift in perspective. You can trust this! RAIN is a
practice for life—meeting our doubts and fears with a healing presence.
Each time you are willing to slow down and recognize, oh, this is the
trance of unworthiness… this is fear… this is hurt…this is judgment…,
you are poised to de-condition the old habits and limiting self-beliefs
that imprison your heart. Gradually, you’ll experience natural loving
awareness as the truth of who you are, more than any story you ever told
yourself about being “not good enough” or “basically flawed.”
imprisoned by a sense of deficiency, cut off from realizing our
intrinsic intelligence, aliveness, and love. The greatest blessing we
can give ourselves is to recognize the pain of this trance, and
regularly offer a cleansing rain of self-compassion to our awakening
hearts.How Loving-Kindness Meditation Strengthens Compassion
basic loving-kindness practice. It involves bringing to mind someone you
love, and wishing that they are safe, well, and happy—either out loud
or to yourself. The practice continues by extending these well wishes
outward to those around you: maybe a more neutral party, or even a
difficult person in your life.
feels good in the moment, but they can also
have long-term effects on our brain that stick with us after we’ve
finished meditating. Daniel Goleman, author of Primal Leadership:
Unleashing the Power of Emotional Intelligence and coauthor of Altered
Traits, explains how this type of meditation can impact our mind and our
outlook.
empathetic concern: our ability to care about another person and want to
help them.
started doing it actually are kinder, they’re more likely to help
someone in need, they’re more generous and they’re happier,” Goleman
explains. “It turns out that the brain areas that help us or that make
us want to help someone that we care about also connect with the
circuitry for feeling good. So it feels good to be kind and all of that
shows up very early in just a few hours really of total practice of
loving-kindness or compassion meditation.”
strengthened when we practice loving-kindness. The two most common types
of empathy are when you understand someone else’s perspective, and when
you connect to them emotionally; but the final, most powerful type is
empathic concern.A Beginner’s Loving-Kindness Practice
and mind towards a greater sense of compassion from Elisha Goldstein.
and with intention say to this person, “May you be happy. May you be
healthy in body and mind. May you be safe and protected from inner and
outer harm. May you be free from fear, the fear that keeps you stuck.”
saying to yourself, “May I be happy. May I be healthy in body and mind.
May I be safe and protected from inner and outer harm. May I be free
from fear, the fear that keeps me stuck.”
and just like you did for the person who’s close to you saying now to
them: “May you be happy. May you be healthy in body and mind. May you be
safe and protected from inner and outer harm. May you be free from
fear, the fear that keeps you stuck.”
that you had for the person who it was easy to care for, now saying to
them: “May you be happy. May you be healthy in body and mind. May you be
safe and protected from inner and outer harm. May you be free from
fear, the fear that keeps you stuck.”
“May you be happy. May you be healthy in body and mind. May you be safe
and protected from inner and outer harm. May you be free from fear, the
fear that keeps you stuck.”The Difference Between Empathy and Compassion
What Is Empathy?
our own emotions), to imagine why someone might be feeling a certain
way, and to have concern for their welfare. Once empathy is activated,
compassionate action is the most logical response. Many confuse empathy
(feeling with someone) with sympathy (feeling sorry for someone).Empathy Can Be Taught
mean we can’t strengthen our empathy muscles, according to psychiatrist
and researcher Helen Riess, author of the book The Empathy Effect. Riess uses the acronym EMPATHY to outline the steps of her program:
Riess recommends focusing on someone’s eyes long enough to gauge eye
color, and making sure you are face to face when communicating.
often automatically mimic other people’s expressions without even
realizing it. By being able to identify another’s feelings—often by
distinctive facial muscle patterns—and mirroring them, we can help
communicate empathy.
indicate a lack of interest, dejection, or sadness; sitting upright
signals respect and confidence. By understanding what postures
communicate, we can take a more open posture—face forward, legs and arms
uncrossed, leaning toward someone—to encourage more open communication
and trust.
another is feeling and naming it can help us better understand their
behavior or the message behind their words.
percent of the nonverbal emotional content of what a person
communicates, it is a vital key to empathy,” writes Riess. She suggests
matching the volume and tone of the person you are talking to and,
generally, using a soothing tone to make someone feel heard. However,
when a person is communicating outrage, moderating your tone—rather than
matching theirs—is more appropriate.
another, possibly because of preconceptions or simply being too
distracted and stressed. Empathic listening means asking questions that
help people express what’s really going on and listening without
judgment.
you’ll say next, but how you resonate with the person you are talking
to. Whether or not we’re aware of it, we tend to sync up emotionally
with people, and how well we do it plays a role in how much we understand them.How to Care Deeply Without Burning Out
underlying skill is self-awareness. You always need to be prepared to
explore and meet your own needs. Whenever your empathy is aroused,
regard it as a signal to turn a spotlight on your own feelings. Pause to
check in with yourself: What am I feeling right now? What do I need
now?
It’s inevitable that we will all experience burnout. What’s important
is recognizing what’s happening and moving toward balance. Compassion
implies a stability of attention and caring in a wise and balanced way—caring about yourself and others.
Compassion also implies a wisdom and intelligence to know that it’s not
up to you to fix the world for others. You can’t function if you’re
just taking in others’ pain all the time. There’s a balance that’s
crucial: You can acknowledge the pain, you can want to help, but you
have to recognize that you can’t change other people’s experience of the
world. That’s the letting go. Dan Harris puts it this way: “My father
says the hardest thing about having kids is letting them make their own
mistakes. That’s compassion with equanimity.” How to Cultivate Compassion Every Day
How to Be More Compassionate at Work
were in a negative spiral of energy? We are emotional beings and we
can’t help but be affected by the varying moods and interactions we have
with others. Life is always changing and this constant change can
create difficult thoughts and emotions, which can flow into the
workplace. The silver lining is that if we can meet suffering at work
with concern and care, compassion naturally arises. Work environments
that cultivate compassion create a much more positive and productive
place to work.
For example: If an employee has experienced a loss, such as a divorce
or death in the family, someone should contact that employee within
24-48 hours and offer help. A study in 2012
demonstrated that people who act compassionately are perceived more
strongly as leaders and that perceived intelligence (i.e., how clever
and knowledgeable the person is) bridges the relationship between
compassion and leadership.
many workplaces where I consult, there are meeting spaces that can be
utilized for informal groups and gatherings. Planned groups can be
encouraged weekly or monthly and allow for more opportunities to notice
when someone needs help or support and then to offer it.
If we can keep the communication lines open with respect and kindness,
we allow for time to talk about what may need attention and/or empathic
connection.
other words, this person is “just like me.” This is also known as
“cognitive empathy,” or simply knowing how the other person feels and
what they might be thinking. This type of empathy can help in
negotiating or motivating people to give their best effort.How to Be More Compassionate Through Email
signs and social cues of face-to-face interactions. If there’s any
challenging content to convey—and if you’re sending an email out to more
than one person—it’s easy for problems to arise. Here’s how you can
communicate more thoughtfully and compassionately via email.
clarity and greater impact. Your message can easily get lost in the
clutter, so keep it simple.
in person? Some messages are just too touchy, nuanced, or complex to
handle by email. You may have to deliver the message in a phone call,
where you can read cues and have some give and take. Then, you can
follow up with a message that reiterates whatever came out of the
conversation.
content, pay close attention to how the shaping of the words can create a
tone. If you have bursts of short sentences, for example, it can sound
like you’re being brusque and angry.
JC PURE INSPIRATION to Attain NIBBĀNA the Eternal Bliss and
